Hiatus Schmiatus

I was pondering the old saying "When God closes a door, he opens a window" (said in the essential southern drawl) whilst eating my morning oatmeal, and I think that that saying is, quite possibly, one of the worst in the English language. I came up with a few "what-if" questions. Mmm, what-if questions--my favorite. Here are my points:

1. A window is far less convenient to pass through than a door.
2. What if the window is on the fourth floor? What if, in flying out the window, you plummet and fall on your face?
   
3. What if the window is just cleaned really well and only looks open, and you run head-first into a closed window like a bird?
4. What if the house was on fire?
5. What if the window had rose and holly bushes below it?
6. What if you're just really stubborn and don't want to take the window?
7. What if the house is really warm and cozy and baby, it's cold outside?
8. What if you have social anxiety disorder and can't persuade yourself to uncurl from the fetal position and crawl towards the window?
9. What if the window is only cracked enough for your head to fit through and then your upper body gets stuck?
   
10. What if God wants you to open the window yourself?