Reason # 5,176,439 That I Need A Man:
I can't get my stinkin' pickle jar open.
posted by Lauren | 11:54 PM
April Birds and May Bees
Ain't no Literature here, folks.
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- I'm gonna finish...
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- I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
- Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.
- I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
- In 9 Days...
- Road Trip Anyone?
- I know how a lot of you feel about horoscopes...
8 Comments:
I'm convinced that some of my exes and platonic friends only kept me around for my jar-opening and spider-killing prowess.
Ooh. This is a funny, funny post. I liked it a lot. Mostly I like that this reason is number 5,176,49. I would really like to know what the first 5,176,48 are. :)
That's okay, Lauren. The word "pickle" in German means zit... (just spelled differently). Grossed you out? Yeah, me too when someone here first offered me one! Maybe you can do without pickles. But still not without a man? Yeah, me neither!
Ew, Yvonne. But now I know one German word...
Sara, I'm sure I've whined about the other 5,176,438 reasons to you over the years.
These are for you, Sara.
In no particular order:
-- So I can Moondance
-- So all of these Al Green songs make more sense
-- So I'm not "sneak[ing] up to people unobserved, steal[ing] their happiest moments from them, thrust[ing] this shadowgraph into [my] pocket, and tak[ing] it out when I wish." (Kierkegaard) I'm tired of being an observer.
-- To reach the Tupperware in the top shelves of my cabinets
-- So I have a built-in date to weddings, family events, concerts, etc.
-- To have kids with
-- "I'll bring home the turkey and you bring home the bacon."
-- To travel with
-- To have a built-in financial advisor (optional)
-- To talk about the day with before we fall asleep at night
Just to name a few. And I'm joking on some of them. So don't think I'm sexist, people.
(I think I'm gonna break the record for longest comment ever. EVER.)
You are funny Lauren! Just throw the jar on the concrete, wash the pickles off and put them in a ZipLoc. Those are a lot easier to open!
It's not sexist! We're meant to complement, not entirely overlap each other. Here are some things we do for them:
-Kiss and bandage their boo-boos
-Listen patiently as they diagnose themselves with Lyme disease /Kreutzfeld-Jakob disease/ whatever other disease they've found in their medical dictionary
-Monitor the back of their head for a hopefully elusive bald spot
-Feel their arm muscles and say "whoa/wow" (I rather enjoy this one!)
-Write thank you notes to their grandmas
-Ask for directions
Wow, Genevieve -- you're fun and funny!
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