25 Reasons to Get It Together

I turned 25 this Tuesday. As I've told some of you (sorry to be repetitive), this is the first birthday that's knocked me around a little. Sure, 25's not old. I'm not saying it is. But this birthday seemed to throw into sharp contrast the things that I've done with the things that I have yet to accomplish.

My mom had been married for 5 years at 25. She had me when she was 25. I'm not comparing myself to her, or anybody else for that matter, but at 25 she had accomplished some of the things that I thought I would've accomplished by 25.

Granted, I've done a lot of the things that I've wanted to do. I've visited places that I've wanted to visit, lived in places where I've wanted to live. And I'm really grateful for those experiences.

A friend of mine said that if we were ever truly content with ourselves, we would become bored and stagnant. If there was nothing to learn or accomplish, there would be no point to life.

And the question was raised of me "buying into the system" -- wanting the house/spouse/kids/dog. Are my desires a product of the system? First of all, the idea of this "system" is ridiculous. Reee-diculous. "System," bah. Sure, the desire to attain house/spouse/kids/dog is a common one. But I have an earnest, complete desire for these things. I don't want them because everybody else wants them or has them. I want them for the most sincere reasons -- I want to love. I'm ready to open myself to vulnerability. I am ready to love someone more than myself. It has nothing to do with material gain and everything to do with a spiritual need.

But I don't tell the average person that I want to love someone (though I do, apparently write it on the World Wide Web. What is that about?). I say I want to get married and have kids. And, thus, I'm a "product of the system."

It's not all about marriage. I want to accomplish things on my own, too. I want to have stories published. I want to finish school and maybe go to grad school. I want to travel more. I want to learn more about myself. I hear people say that there are things that they know they need to change about themselves before they get married. To that, I say again, "Ridiculous." You will never be ready. You will just have to learn together. Learn about yourself, learn about your partner, learn about how you are together. You can learn all you want in theory, but practice and experience change everything. So while I want to accomplish these things for myself, I can still do them while I'm in a relationship. It's not one or the other.

I realize that I'm going off in a directionless, uh, direction, but these are things that have been on my mind recently. This is my catharsis, I guess. And I'm forcing it onto you (if you're still reading this).

I've been really content with how my life has been going up until this week. What changed? I can only guess that it has something to do with a number... Hopefully, I'll be content again soon. I'll work on it. I'm not going to wallow in it. I'm done with it riiiight... now.